


The Truest Thing In Me

by Marnie_May



Category: Ratched (TV), gwendolyn briggs - Fandom, mildred Ratched - Fandom, mildred x Gwen, mildred x gwendolyn
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26712247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marnie_May/pseuds/Marnie_May
Summary: Probably a two parter, love this couple 🖤 part one fluff, part two... ya know 😌 MxGs first time
Relationships: Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched
Comments: 29
Kudos: 204





	1. Chapter 1

Once she’d said it once, there was no stopping; the words tumbled out of her like broken poetry.

 _I love you  
I love you  
I love you _

Never in her life had she felt such truth, such freedom, such purity. How had she allowed generations of shame and ignorance to blind her to the fact that her feelings for Gwen were the best thing about her?

 _I love you._

Even as Gwen cried, shouted, pushed her away no less, the joy at having told her, told herself overruled everything. Because she knew, she knew Gwen loved her too. Her heart had found her home, and with that peace came the knowledge that a home only feels safe with one who loves you too. And Gwen did. 

_Mildred, I love you._

Still... she was surprised. Surprised as her mind went quiet and an instinct she never knew she had took over her body. She kissed Gwen like the uninhibited lesbian she wasn’t, clutching her face, opening her lips and tasting all of her. Gwen’s tongue met her own and she gasped, her perfume filling her head and her insides humming in a way she’d never known. All those weeks before, when Gwen had held the oyster up to her mouth and told her to swallow, something had throbbed so deep within her it had made her breathless. She’d been equal parts horrified, confused and so aroused she could hardly walk, the dull pulsing in her centre making her head swim. She wondered how Gwen could have awoken something so deep within her she never knew it existed.  
_This_ was wanting? _This_ was lust? This is what women felt when hard, rough men pushed themselves insistently inside? She had shuddered, not even daring to imagine soft, comforting hands finding their way to her most delicate places. The thought alone made a wave or something close to heaven ripple through her.  
That need that had been awoken had grown, morphed, blossomed, until there she was, tears streaming down her face as she clung to Gwen, moaning softly as those same hands, those beautiful hands circled her waist and pulled her flush against full breasts.

“Gwen,” she breathed, pulling away long enough to gaze drunkenly into blue eyes as alive with desire as her own, “I don’t know... I can’t...” she stopped, unable to resist kissing those lips again after denying herself so long, “I don’t know how you can undo me and make me whole at the same time.”

Gwen looked speechless, even as cautious, hopeful hands cupped her face. “So this is ok?” She whispered.  
“Ok?” Mildred smiled, “Yes. Yes this is very ok.” She kissed her again, melting into a soft embrace which in equal turns thrilled and comforted her. But she was restless, that damn ache between her legs making her fidget slightly against Gwen. It was only when she felt Gwen smile against her lips that the first semblance of a blush crept up her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling away and quickly resting her head against Gwen’s shoulder. “Despite my enthusiasm I apologise my... skills may not be quite what you’re accustomed to.”

“Oh, Mildred,” Gwen sighed, hands in Mildred’s hair, “you are enough. And I love you.”

A part of her shyness dissipated at that, so much so she looked up, meeting those eyes. “I guess I don’t have to tell you that I’ve never...”

“No, you don’t. But that’s ok. In fact... I’m happy to be your first, if you’ll let me.”

Mildred felt the throb thrumming deep within her, eyes becoming heavy with want. “Id like that,” she whispered, “I’d like that very much.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW... naturally(!)  
> So I was totally expecting this to be a two-parter... but methinks a third chapter is in the works. Enjoy x

In the end, there wasn’t anything to fear: It was her insatiable lust that would have scared her had it not brought her to such dizzying heights of pleasure.

‘We don’t have to do anything right away,’ Gwen had said, even as Mildred pulled her towards the stairs, her liberation at finally accepting all parts of herself propelling them towards what she was sure lay pure heaven upstairs. Gwen followed, hardly believing what was happening. 

‘You should know by now that when I set my mind on something, it tends to happen,’ Mildred smiled, pausing on the landing and turning to face Gwen, resting a hand on her cheek. ‘And this is my mind. And my heart.’

But Gwen stalled, her senses momentarily catching up with her as she took in her surroundings. This was her marital home. Although, could she really ever call it that? And her “husband” no longer lived here. The house was going up for sale in less than a week. At least, that had been the plan an hour ago. Trevor was staying with his work colleagues, unlikely to come home and interrupt anything. Still, Gwen’s cautious eyes darted over Mildred’s shoulder to the master bedroom. That would be wrong: Making love with Mildred in her marriage bed. Not that she’d ever had sex with her husband there. God was she really considering this? Sex with Mildred? Her heart’s desire? The true love she had sworn to walk away from after all the mess this wretched week? She sighed, looking down.

Mildred’s smile wavered. ‘What is it?’ She asked.

‘You don’t...’ Gwen swallowed, searching for the words. ‘We don’t have to do anything right away. This is all so new. My husband left this morning,’ she laughed gently, ‘to be with his new partner Andrew I might add. I just...we have time. I don’t want you to feel you have to do anything-’

‘I don’t,’ Mildred stopped her, hands on her face, ‘I’m not doing this out of any sense of obligation, Gwendolyn. I’m doing this because I want to. I’ve put you through hell, I know that, and I need to show you how much I want this, how much I want you.’

Gwen watched her a minute. 

‘You sure Mildred? Because once we do this, I may never be able to let you go.’

Mildred smiled, her confidence coming back.

‘Good,’ she said, leaning in and kissing Gwen. ‘I’m counting on it.’

***

Gwen lead her to the guest suit; the beautiful rooms at the back of the house that caught the morning sun and evening shadows. She’d occasionally retreated to this bed when the thought of sleeping next to Trevor had made her heart sink, so to be here now, with Mildred, was almost dreamlike in its bliss. And Mildred was so willing, so beautifully receptive to every move, every touch. She undid her hat, letting her hair fall about her shoulders, taking Gwen's breath away as she looked at her with nothing but unihibited love. When Gwen paused their kisses to begin unbuttoning Mildred’s blouse, her heart had skipped a beat in fear she’d retreat, but she only smiled, heavy eyes following Gwen’s fingers as they undid each button, opening the silk up, pushing it off her shoulders. Gwen was gentle, slow, pushing down her own raging desire as soft skin was exposed to her. Mildred’s slip was white and cream, pure as the vanilla skin beneath her fingers. A rosy blush blossomed over her chest as Gwen loosened the buttons of her skirt, letting it fall to the ground. She stood before Gwen, glowing at the wonderment in her eyes, in the admiration she saw there as Gwen drank her in. Normally, Mildred would have prepared, and dressed a certain way for intimacy, that old blue nightdress her attire for the act. But today… maybe she hadn’t thought they’d get here. Hoped, dared dream maybe… or maybe she knew they would, but also knew she needed no uniform for Gwen.  
‘Lay down,’ Gwen whispered, watching in appreciative awe as Mildred did as she asked, her burgundy hair fanning the pink pillow. Gwen was less enthused about removing her own clothes. Her chest was wounded, yes, but the knowledge of the foreign lump in her breast made her body feel like a stranger. Mildred saw her hands hover then pause over her shirt, and she sat up on her knees, moving towards her and putting her hands on Gwen’s chest. 

‘Let me?’

Gwen only nodded, relieved and so swept up in her she could hardly breathe. She winced when Mildred pushed the shirt off her shoulders, her fingers light as feathers as she traced the bullet wound.

‘Does it hurt?’

‘No- I... I don’t know...’

‘Lay with me?’

‘Yes...’ 

They lay together just like that for what seemed like forever, Mildred exploring every inch of newly exposed skin as she undressed Gwen, like she was seeing colour for the first time, her kisses at once chaste and simultaneously the most erotica touches Gwen had ever known. She was just in her underwear when the throbbing need had become almost painful, her restraint making her bite down on her lip even as she bathed in the glow of contentment in Mildred’s slow, painfully thorough exploration. 

Her eyes had been closed, Mildred’s lips on her when she’d whispered, ‘Gwen, will you touch me?’

She’d almost whimpered, her hands fisting in Mildred’s hair as she rolled her beneath her, one thigh between her legs. She’d heard Mildred gasp as she made contact, felt the dampness against her thigh. Opening her eyes, looking into those deep brown depths, overflowing with kindness, she saw only her own desire mirrored there. Her mouth was open, eyelids hooded, nipples peaked beneath the silk of her slip. 

‘I love you,’ she whispered, finally, finally slipping her hand between then and touching her.

‘I know,’ Mildred gasped as Gwen’s fingers found her. Her eyes widened, mouth opening as she slipped so easily inside.

Any lingering doubt Gwen had felt evaporated with the first touch: Mildred was soaking for her, hot wetness coating the pads of her fingers as she dared one, two inside. Mildred clenched around her almost instantly, moans escaping that perfect mouth as Gwen pushed her thumb against Mildred’s clitoris. She cried out in response, bucking her hips against Gwendolyn, in turn providing her with some much needed friction as she ground against her. Gwen pushed it down, wanting, needing to focus on Mildred’s pleasure. She was coming undone beneath her, writhing in bliss, her eyes squeezed shut. Gwen had never seen anything so beautiful in her life. 

‘I love you,’ she breathed, beginning to push her fingers in deeper, harder, her thumb running strong, slow circles around the throbbing bud beneath it. She thought of the first day, the drive to Modesto, the lunch they’d shared, the women’s bar… Mildred running, her leaving… her coming back. The car, the dance, the look on her face as she’d been shot. It was the first time she’d seen behind the cool mask of composure and seen her truth: she cared. She’d run to her, and God in that moment if Gwen hadn’t considered being shot a small price to pay for being cradled in her arms. She pushed another finger inside, almost coming herself as Mildred moaned, curling her body around Gwen, moving against her as if they’d done it a thousand times. 

‘I... I...’ Mildred panted, her nails digging into Gwen’s arms as her eyes closed.

‘I know,’ Gwen answered, swallowing Mildred’s next moan with a kiss. ‘Come for me.’

At that she did, crying out as Gwen continued working magic between her legs. It shook her whole body, almost bending her double as she clung to Gwen. The intensity of it came over her in waves as tremors rippled through her core. She didn’t even realise she was crying until Gwen began kissing the tears from her cheeks, telling her how beautiful she was even as she worked her down.  
Mildred whimpered as Gwen slowly slid her fingers from her underwear, wetness dampening her thighs and trailing across her stomach, until her hands were around her waist, enveloping her and holding her tight. Mildred buried her face in Gwen’s neck, taking deep calming breaths as her heart rate slowed. A peace she’d never known before settled over her, the hot blush of her cheeks cooling against Gwen’s skin.

‘You’ve no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,’ Gwen whispered eventually. Mildred let out a small chuckle, pulling away enough to look into her eyes.

‘Well, why stop there?’

***

She didn’t know how much time had past since they’d first come upstairs, but making love all afternoon had done wonders for Mildred’s mood. She lay twisted in silk bedsheets, her body heavy and sated, lying on her side facing a sleepy Gwen. The sadness that had been written all over her face when she’d first knocked on the door this afternoon had gone. Mildred was trying very hard not to think about the other thing… the tumour. Even has it fluttered across her mind, her heart clenched painfully. They would fight it. They had to. She wasn’t going to lose her to that after everything they’d been through to get here. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get back to a moment of peace. She found it when she thought of Gwen’s words earlier. 

‘So how long?’ She asked, smiling when Gwen opened her eyes. She looked tired, but so, so happy. 

‘How long what?’

‘I’m curious,’ Mildred said, ‘how long you’ve been waiting to do that. Was it the nurse’s uniform or my liking for Bologna sandwiches?’

Gwen laughed, her eyes softening at the memory. 

‘It was the photo with the governor actually,’ she said. Mildred frowned, trying to remember amongst all the madness. ‘You were at the father’s bedside for the press,’ Gwen continued, ‘and you told the governor to get his hands off you. I was impressed. And I knew that look.’

‘What look?’

‘I suppose you’d call it a look only women who enjoy the company of other women adopt. A look that says men’s touches are unwelcome.’

‘I see.’

‘Although...’ Gwen stopped, not wanting to ruin the moment.

‘What is it?’

‘I can’t deny I was... surprised. Confused...oh darn it. Hurt by your relations with the man in the motel.’

Mildred bristled, her heart sinking. But it was guilt, overriding guilt that made her feel the worst. Because she’d treated Gwen so badly. She’d known what was happening between them and she’d been so scared of it that she had set out to hurt her, however subconsciously. She could tell herself that she’d only done it to get what she wanted, or to push her away, or her damn wounded pride at the “bad lay” insult. But it didn’t sit entirely true. She’d been selfish, confused. Terrified. She didn’t want anyone she cared for too close, in case she let them down the way she had Edmund. 

‘There was so much... I wasn’t ready to face,’ she said eventually. It barely covered it. 

Gwen said nothing, knowing it was ancient history now, but still... Her pride had been hurt. And she was curious to know whether Mildred had enjoyed her encounter, no matter how sick the idea made her. Maybe that’s why she’d bulldozed her way over there the moment the man had left. But before she could decide what she had the stomach to ask, Mildred continued:

‘When you knocked on my door that night, I felt more for you in that moment than the whole time he was with me.’

‘Why did you-’

‘You know why. You were right. I was running, I was lying. To us both. And I almost convinced myself I enjoyed it. And then you knocked on my door and you...’ she closed her eyes, heart skipping a beat at the memory. ‘I felt something close to madness when you were that near. The same damn feeling you gave me when you fed me the oyster.’

‘I’ll have to remember that.’ Gwen laughed, even as her heart fluttered at her words. 

‘I could hardly breathe, could hardly think. Do you realise how terrified I was? I’d just been intimate with that man-’

Gwendolyn winced, deciding then that she didn’t want to know anything about it, and instinctively held her tighter. Mildred responded, kissing her again and whispering against her mouth.  
‘I felt nothing. The only pleasure I got was imagining you. Pretending it was you touching me. And then you appeared, invaded my space and it took everything in me not to pull you inside. I didn’t understand it.’ She stopped. Reconsidered. ‘No, that’s a lie. I did understand it. And the weight of what it meant terrified me. I knew I was attracted to you. I hadn’t known I was in love with you.’

Gwendolyn looked surprised. ‘Even then?’

Mildred smiled, nodding. ‘Even then.’

‘And yet you pushed me away?’

‘I was embarrassed. Ashamed. Not of you,’ she hastened to add, ‘of what you must have guessed had gone on between us. I didn’t want you knowing I had been with him.’ 

‘It hurt. I won’t lie.’

‘I know. But I couldn’t let you in. How could you talk to me in the doorway and do more for me than the mental hoops I had to jump through to find any sense of what I thought was pleasure with him?’

‘What do you mean?’

Mildred blushed slightly, but she’d promised them both no secrets. 

‘Scenarios,’ she said at last. ‘I couldn’t face intimacy without convoluted scenarios. I told myself that was attraction. And then right in the moment...’ she closed her eyes, remembering. ‘I saw you.’

The words soothed Gwen’s residual jealousy, balming over the old wounds. Her confession was all too familiar. She’d done something similar in her youth when she’d tried convincing herself she liked men. 

‘So no scenarios when you’re with me?’

Mildred smiled, kissing her again. ‘You, Gwendolyn,’ she said, ‘you alone are everything I need.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff, some development and of course, some punch. By punch I mean filth of course :D  
> Happy holidays xx

‘You hypnotised me.’

‘Hmm?’ Gwen opened sleepy eyes, smiling softly as she took in Mildred. ‘What did you say?’

‘Sorry, I’ll let you sleep. It’s been a long day.’

‘But, might I say, a nice one.’

‘You may… But only nice?’

‘Extraordinary.’

‘Better.’

They smiled shyly at each other, before Mildred glanced at the clock again.

‘What is it?’ Gwen asked.

‘I should really be getting back to the hospital. Betsy wants to address the nursing staff about Dr. Hanover.’

‘She knows he’s dead?’

Something clenched in Mildred’s stomach, and that old guilt about lying to Gwen came back. She took a breath.

‘No.’

She waited for the interrogation but it never came.

‘Do you wanna talk about it?’ Gwen asked. The kindness and lack of suspicion calmed Mildred’s nerves immeasurably. 

‘Yes,’ she answered, and it was the truth. She wanted to tell Gwendolyn everything, all the worst of her, because she knew it wouldn’t matter, not now. But it wasn’t the time. ‘I will, if you don’t mind, but for now Betsy’s been made interim head of the hospital, and she wants me there when she tells the rest of the nurses.’ 

‘Will you be staying on as head nurse?’ There was an air of panic in Gwen’s voice, although she tried hard to cover it.

‘She’s asked me to stay, I’ve requested Huck be made head nurse however.’

‘Ah, a rival for my affections,’ Gwen teased.

‘Not quite. Although, he knows about my feelings for you.’

Gwen looked surprised, but very happily so.

‘You told him?’ She asked. Coming out to Gwen and the afternoon they’d had was heaven enough, but Mildred being able to tell someone else was amazing. And very reassuring. 

‘He asked me if I’d like a date,’ Mildred began.

‘Ok, I’m liking this less,’ Gwen interrupted, and Mildred laughed.

‘And I said no. Because it wouldn’t have been honest of me when I was in love with you.’

‘Say that again.’

‘I’m in love with you.’

Gwen smiled, leaning in and kissing her again.

‘Once more…’

‘I love you.’

They kissed for a few moments, before Gwen remembered Mildred had to leave. She pulled away reluctantly, wondering how soon she could come back… or even if that was the plan. They hadn’t discussed any plans since she’d rejected Mildred’s proposal to run away together. She supposed asking her to move in wasn’t such a big leap after that suggestion.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Mildred asked, her hands on Gwen’s face, stroking her cheeks and gazing into her eyes when she knew her thoughts were miles away.

‘I was wondering what your plans were for later.’

Mildred smiled, knowing it wasn’t the whole truth.

‘I’ll be there for Betsy, but after… I feel I need some distance from... from Edmund. I don’t feel I can continue working there knowing I failed him.’

‘Mildred, you didn’t fail him. You did everything you could to try and save someone who didn’t want to be saved.’

Mildred looked at her in amazement, awed by her understanding and love. That determination to save Edmund had been a stumbling block in their relationship, but Gwen seemed to have forgiven her.

‘After… after he did what he did at the dance,’ Mildred began, ‘as soon as Dolly shot you, he was lost to me. It never even occurred to me to go after them. I just needed to save you. If anything had happened…’ Mildred closed her eyes. ‘I don’t know what I would have done. And I can’t be around him now. Even if he doesn’t know I chose you over him, I do. And I don’t want to have to explain that.’ 

Gwen was quiet a moment, letting the weight of Mildred’s words wash over her. 

‘I see.’ She said eventually, not wanting to push her when she was obviously in pain, even if her words had sent thrills through her. ‘Then stay as long as Betsy needs, and then ask for leave. She’ll understand.’

‘Yes. Yes, I think she will.’

Mildred mused on it a moment. Life was unpredictable. When she’d first met Betsy Bucket, she would never have imagined they’d have become friends. The kindness Betsy had shown her when she’d discovered the truth had shocked and comforted Mildred in equal measure. Her childhood had taught her to push everyone away, suspect everyone... use them. And yet she’d met people in these last few months who had challenged that belief and shown her there was another way to be. It was still a learning curve, but one she was determined to follow.

‘And after?’

Gwen’s questions took her out of her thoughts.

‘After?’

‘Will you go back to the motel... or home? Where is home?’

Mildred looked at her, gazing into the bluest eyes she’d ever seen. She was staring at home: It was Gwen. 

‘The truth is I’ve never had one. Not until... it became a person. I thought it was with Edmund, because he was the only family I’ve ever known. Then...’ she squeezed her eyes shut, reliving the moment Dolly pulled the trigger into Gwen’s chest. ‘When he did what he did, he broke my heart, but all I could think about was how I didn’t want to lose you.’ Other thoughts came in then, thoughts of the tumour, Gwen’s words:

 _I don’t have long_  
It stabbed through her like a cold knife. 

‘Then stay.’

‘What?’

‘Stay here with me. We’ll figure it out.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Am I sure I want the woman I love to come straight back here once she’s fulfilled her work obligations? Yes. Yes, I’m very sure, Mildred. Unless you’d prefer Louise’s company.’

Mildred chuckled.

‘I think you know the answer to that.’

‘Well you are full of surprises. But I want you to come back here.’

And with that Mildred smiled.

‘Then I will.’

***

‘Betsy, may I have a word?’

Betsy looked up from the desk, seeing Mildred in the doorway. 

‘Yes! I think that went rather well, don’t you?’

‘Yes. You were fantastic, Betsy.’

‘Well I don’t know about fantastic, but I can certainly start cleaning up some of this mess.’ She began rifling through Dr. Hanover’s files, tutting as she took in the disarray in which they’d been scattered. ‘Oh! What did you want to talk to me about?’ 

Mildred approached the desk, clasping her hands in front of her. 

‘I’m happy to stay on to help with the transition, but I need to ask for a leave of absence as soon as possible.’

‘What?’ Betsy’s heart sank. ‘Why?’

Mildred tried to compose herself, but her eyes began filling with tears. 

‘Is it Edmund?’

Mildred wiped a tear away. ‘Yes... and...’ she took a deep breath, ‘and Miss Briggs, Gwendolyn.’

Betsy’s eyebrows raised.

‘You see, her and I, we’re... she’s become very important to me and I’ve recently learned that she’s been diagnosed with a tumour.’ Mildred’s voice broke and she began crying properly. Betsy rounded the desk and gathered her to her, hugging her closely.

‘I’m so sorry Mildred,’ she said, ‘I suspected at the dance that the two of you were close... closer than friends. That’s awful news.’

‘I’m determined it won’t be,’ Mildred said fiercely, trying to compose herself, ‘which is why I need time; time to do some research and find someone who will help her. She says she doesn’t have long, and all her clinician is offering is chemotherapy to extend her life minimally. I can’t have that, Betsy.’

‘Of course. Take all the time you need. And I’ll be here for you. Both of you.’

‘Thank you, Betsy.’ Mildred smiled, wiping her tears away. ‘It feels almost like a punishment. I can’t lose her now, not after everything...’

‘And you won’t. If I’ve learnt anything about you, Mildred, it’s that you’re incredibly determined.’ She smiled, ‘go home. Give her my best.’

‘I will, thank you.’

*** 

Mildred pulled her car into Gwen’s drive, wondering if she should take her bags from the boot or if that was too presumptuous. She shouldn’t have worried; Gwen opened her front door as she turned off the engine, smiling at her.

‘Need a hand?’ She asked as Mildred got out. ‘I assume you brought your suitcase?’

Mildred smiled. ‘Of course, but don’t you dare.’

‘I’m not an invalid, Mildred. Well, not yet.’

Mildred gave her a look, opening her boot and taking out her bags. She closed it again, turning to face Gwen who had come out to meet her. Mildred took her face in her hands and kissed her, surprising herself and Gwen.

‘Two women kissing in the street? Aren’t you worried about what people will think?’ She teased. 

‘Not anymore,’ Mildred whispered, ‘never again.’

Gwen smiled, flushing slightly.

‘Come on,’ she said, ‘let’s get you inside.’

***

Gwen had ordered in, and Mildred flamed when she saw what it was, sat on display on her kitchen counter.

‘Oysters?’ She exclaimed, her cheeks on fire. 

‘Well, they seemed to work before,’ Gwen teased, coming up behind Mildred and circling her arms around her waist. Mildred leaned into it, resting her hands over Gwen’s. 

‘I missed you,’ she said, honestly. She couldn’t imagine leaving her side again. At least not for a while. If Gwen didn’t grow bored of her she’d happily not leave this house or Gwen’s bed for a month. 

‘They’ve definitely worked then,’ Gwen chuckled, kissing Mildred’s neck. 

She wanted to laugh, but felt herself melt as Gwen’s lips traced her skin, her heart already thudding in anticipation. 

‘Is it always like this for you?’ She whispered, her knees going weak as Gwen began loosening the buttons of her blouse. She wanted to believe so badly that she wasn’t a novice, wasn’t boring compared to Gwen’s other lovers. But how could she compete? Gwen was the first women she’d ever been with, ever kissed. The only partner she’d ever loved. Yet she knew Gwen had loved before. Gwen was far more honest with herself than Mildred had ever been, and she knew how to please a woman. How could Mildred compare?

‘No,’ Gwen said firmly, turning her around and holding her face in her hands. ‘It’s never been like this before.’

Mildred looked down, uncomfortable with her inexperience. ‘But I don’t know what I’m doing.’

‘So? Being with you is enough, and honestly if you had been with someone else, I’d only be jealous.’

Mildred smiled at that.

‘Honest?’

‘Always.’

Mildred nodded, acknowledging the promise, and making one too.

‘Always.’ She rested her hands on Gwen’s waist. ‘In that case…can we go upstairs?’

***

She was bolder this time, and comforted in the knowledge that Gwen seem satisfied with her. She thought it would be the same as earlier; Gwen’s hands on her, inside her, bringing her to heights of pleasure she’d never know before. She had touched Gwen too, almost cried when she’d been undone by her hand, amazed at herself for being able to do it. She wanted it all again, and more, the intensity building until she was almost going mad with need, but still Gwen refused to touch her, instead kissing her with a sensual ease that drove Mildred wild. Gwen’s thigh was between her legs, but she kept moving away whenever she tried to press herself against it. She felt Gwen smile against her lips, felt her move away again as she groaned in frustration. 

When she couldn’t stand it anymore, her lust overpowered any sense of shyness she may have had and she took Gwen’s hand, trying to move it between them. Gwen linked their fingers, lifting her hand above her head and pinning her to the bed. 

‘How do you feel?’ She asked, kissing Mildred’s throat, behind her ear. ‘Tell me, describe it, then I’ll give you what you want.’

‘I... can’t...’ Mildred breathed, arching into her body. 

‘Hypnotised?’ Gwen whispered, smiling at the small blush that blossomed across Mildred’s cheeks, pinkening her chest too. 

‘I thought you were asleep...’

Gwen chuckled. ‘Maybe you should stop confessing things to me when you think I’m unconscious. I tend to hear them.’ She moved the hand that wasn’t pressing into the pillow and cupped Mildred’s breast, her thumb gently brushing over her nipple. Mildred gasped, wondering if she’d come from this alone.

‘Tell me,’ Gwen said again, kissing between her breasts, ‘tell me what you want.’

‘Are you going to touch me again?’ She managed, already anticipating Gwen’s fingers inside her. It made her clench at nothing, wetness seeping out as the pulse within her became almost painful. This was wanting, she realised, this was what she could have had since the very first day, when yes, Gwen had hypnotised her. 

‘No, I’m not,’ Gwen answered, ‘at least, not with my hand.’

Mildred closed her eyes, breathless as Gwen moved down her body, settling between her open legs and pushing her silk slip up and over her hips. Mildred contorted as she felt Gwen’s breath against her, felt her kiss against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh.

‘Do you want this?’ She heard Gwen whisper, felt it against her heat. 

‘Yes,’ she panted, her hands bunching in the bedsheets. ‘Yes...’

_Let it slide into your mouth, it’s like making love to the ocean_

Had this been what she had been imagining as she watched Gwen that day? She’d be a liar if she denied it, but nothing could have prepared her for the first touch, and the moment Gwen’s mouth closed around her she saw stars. Gwen was gentle at first, but her hips still bucked off the bed, the intensity of her tongue against the swollen, throbbing part of her emanating more pleasure than she’d ever known. She cried out, feeling a palm on her stomach push her down as Gwen went to work, devouring her. She came almost instantly, her body ringing with the wave that seemed to overtake her senses and last forever. 

Then Gwen’s fingers were inside her, more than before, sliding in with ease as she brought her to orgasm again, and again, until Mildred fisted her hands in Gwen’s hair and said enough, her body sated and exhausted. She sat up, curling her legs around Gwen’s waist as she rose too, pulling her against her chest. It was only then she realised she’d been crying again, wet tears against her cheeks. Maybe she’d never stop being amazed at her body’s capacity for pleasure, or maybe this release was what she needed. 

‘Are you alright?’ Gwen whispered into her hair.

‘Yes… I’m alright.’

‘Still sure you want to stay?’

‘I never want to leave you again.’

Gwen felt her own eyes fill with tears, and she held her closer, swearing then and then to do whatever it took to stay with her as long as she could.


End file.
